Sexual relations between Balinese teenagers are left to proceed in a natural way without interference from the parents, at least in Sudra caste that makes up the vast majority of the population and there is no expectation that early affairs will necessarily lead to marriage. Love charms and magically potent amulets are often used where the girl seems reluctant. Home sexuality is frowned on but seems anyway rare, possibly as a result of the relaxed sensual life Balinese children enjoy in their earliest years.

The relaxed attitude to sex goes on to apply to marriage. Parents have a minimal part to play the arrangement, and in the commonest form of marriage the ceremony does not take place until several days after announcement of consummation. And even in upper-caste”arranged” marriages, the couple may sleep together for an agreed period before the wedding.

The commonest form of marriage in Bali such as:

1. Kidnapping (Ngorod). The boy seizes the girl in some public place and after token resistance, the couple speed off to a prearranged hide-hole where offerings are set out for the gods and the union hurriedly consummated. It is considered vital this happens before the offerings wilt in order for the union to be valid. This is the real marriage, performed in the sight of the God and the subsequent public celebration is merely recognition of an already achieved actuality.
2. Arranged marriages (Mapadik). This is commonest among the aristocracy, but only with the full arrangement of both boy and girl. The weeding ceremony takes place at the home of the boy’s father. A tooth filing ritual will be incorporated if this operation has not been performed already. There is much feasting and music, but actually ceremony is a simple one with the priest just blessing the union amid much throwing of flowers, ringing of bells and dashing with holy water

A Balinese women could not in the past normally marry a man of lower caste than herself, a prohibition that merely echoed the attempts of the rich everywhere to try to make sure their daughters do not descend the social scale when they marry. If this is changing nowadays, it is changing slowly. Marriage with divorcees and widows, however, is freely allowed.

Balinese women can divorce their husband – for cruelty, impotence or failure to support them – by simply walking out of the house. The divorce is then confirmed by the village council; this is generally a formality as there are not set criteria by which “support” or “cruelty” can be judged.